Get your tits out



Right ladies and gents, stick the kettle on because shit is about to get deep.

In the last few months two of my best friends mums have had encounters with breast cancer. Luckily it was caught early and neither of them needed chemo. My mum's best friend on the other hand hasn't't been as fortunate, her cancer has spread from her breast into her lymph nodes which mean she needs to start chemo straight away and potentially lose a boob in the process.




Cancer at any age is the word everyone dreads to here but considering all three of these women were under the age of 55, it highlights how important it is for all of us to been on the lookout for it regardless of how old we are. All of us think and hope it won't happen to us but the reality is, now 1 in 2 of us will experience cancer at some point in our lifetime and breast cancer is currently the most common cancer in the UK, with one person being diagnosed every 10 minutes.

According to Breast Cancer Care UK '1 in 8 women in the UK will develop breast cancer in their lifetime' so something just needs to give and this where we come in guys and gals. Get groping. Disclaimer: This is not me encouraging in anyway to grope strangers in the street, girls get enough of that in sleazy nightclubs. However there is no reason we shouldn't being feeling ourselves up on a regular basis.

-When you are getting dressed in the morning
-When you get in the shower
-When you are getting ready for bed

It does not matter when or how just make sure its somewhere in your regular routine, if you're forgetful then set a weekly reminder on your phone. Might have to be an early morning one, you don't want to be sat at work in a meeting and have your tit check alarm going off. Alternatively I have a free app called P.C which tracks ovaluation, provides pill reminders and even have a self breast exam reminder which you can set a time and date for. 




The trouble is most people don't know what they are looking for, so when you are having a rummage heres what to look for;

-Dimpled skin
-A growing vein
-Sunken nipple
-New shape and size of the breast
-Skin sores
-Nipple crust
-Discharge from the nipple
-Lumps and bumps
-Orange peel skin
-Feeling a thick area
-Discomfort and pain
-Red or hotness

Know Your Lemons provides a really useful visual aid for what you are looking, as pictured below. Get to know your lemons ladies (or melons if you are more endowed). 




If you want a second opinion on checking everything is hunky dory, a fresh pair eyes/hands may spot something you have missed. So if you are in a relationship and not full on Bridget Jonesing like I am, get your fella to have a nosey. I used to ask my ex to cop a feel and check everything is ok and I tell you now they might not jump at the chance to help you choose an outfit or pick up the hoover but they are more than willing to give your girls a grope. Then if you find anything out of the ordinary, get your pretty little ass to the doctors, its always better to be safe than sorry.

Side note: Men are famous for being awful at going to the doctors and getting themselves checked over so make sure all the men I your life are checking their bits and bobs regularly or offer to lend a hand. Although it is rare, men can also develop breast cancer so that is something to bear in mind lads.



And yes this is a penis anatomy constructed by lemons and a potato peeler, you're welcome x

Now I know going to the doctors isn't the most fun to thing to do and you feel like a time wasting donut when there is nothing wrong but its so important to go because if something is wrong, it can be diagnosed early and treated. I don't relish in the thought of whacking my baps out to a stranger but honestly they've seen it all before. The poor NHS has to deal with people sticking barbies up their arse so your mammary glands are not going to phase them. When you make a Drs appointment, you can also request a female doctor if that would make you feel more comfortable however it normally means you will be waiting a bit longer for an appointment.

When I was sixteen I found a lump chilling in my side boob and Google confirmed my fears that I had like 3 days to live. It was only a tiny lump sort of between my boob and armpit but it was quite painful to touch but with all the tissue, fat and milk ducts going in there I wasn't sure if was something more sinister. So of course I went straight to my mum (Shoutout to Karen) and asked her to have a feel because its really difficult to differentiate between what should be there and what shouldn't. Kazza confirmed she thought it was a lump and after a trip to the doctors, I was told it was probably a small cyst and tablets should get rid of it. If it didn't subside, they would have to investigate further to see if it was a cancerous mass which luckily it wasn't.


If you aren't sure you know exactly what you are looking for or how to look- there are some many useful resources on social media. I follow a girl called Lauren on Instagram who is a breast cancer survivor, some of you may now her as GirlVsCancer, GirlstoleLondon or the chick that was on First Dates. As part of breast cancer awareness month she did a collaboration with NeverFullyDressed, theres a video on their Instagram of Lauren demonstrating how to check your boobs so make sure you watch it if you are unsure. 

GirlVsCancer - 'You aren't looking for Cancer, you are looking for changes' 

As the Black Eyed Peas outlined we have 'lovely lady lumps' so we really need to be taking better care of them. Treat them to a nice lace Bralette from time to time and give them a thorough once over. I'll put the links to some useful sites below that provide more information and insight on breast cancer. It's estimated that 5000 will be diagnosed with breast in the UK during this particular breast cancer awareness month, so if you've read this and have any niggles at all then please pick up the blower and make an appointment. Check your tits, don't act like one.

https://www.breastcancercare.org.uk/about-us/media/facts-statistics
https://coppafeel.org
https://girlvscancer.co.uk
https://worldwidebreastcancer.org


Hope you enjoyed this weird ass photoshoot I had with some lemons xo





The Big O



There is a lot of mystery and taboo around the female orgasm and I am one of many that is yet to experience it with a partner. So the question is, is my fanny broken?

After speaking in depth to many of my friends, it turns out a lot of them have only experienced it with one of their partners and they are only able to climax through oral sex. I’m quite impatient when it comes to foreplay so this might be where I’m going wrong because I’m always rushing to get to penetration station. (Soz mum if you are reading this)





In a survey with Cosmos it showed that 67% of women aged 18-40 fake orgasms with their partner, now I have definitely put my GCSE in drama to good use a few times but at the ripe old age of 21, I feel that I deserve a good dicking without all the theatricals. I’ve been advised by one of my bisexual friends to go lesbo a few times to help with my pre-dick-ament but I don’t relish in the thought of getting busy with someone else’s flaps. 

After doing a bit of research, I found that around 70% of women can’y physically orgasm just from intercourse which is crazy when it takes a guy like two minutes to jizz his pants. (Sorry fellas) Which means flicking the bean is practically a necessity for women to have a right good time but what if clit simulation and owning half of Ann Summers still isn’t getting the job done?



Well lads welcome to my world. So after a good few years of thinking my vj was faulty as well as changing my pill twelve times- I wanted answers. Surprise surprise, the pill can have a huge impact on women achieving orgasm due to the lack of testosterone in your system. As we all know, the contraceptive pill pumps you with a million hormones to stop you getting up the duff however these hormones can sometimes suppress the natural testosterone in your body which is needed for women to climax. I’ve been on the pill since I was 16 and I’ve lost count of the amount of side affects I’ve endured but this one really takes the biscuit. This is one of the many reasons I’ve recently come off the pill, I mean it is useful to be able to control your periods but I think my body needed a serious break to just be free and do its own thang. 




After acquiring some questionable internet history, I stumbled upon some research with regards to female anatomy that explain why some women are way less likely to orgasm, especially during penetrative sex. Since the dawn of time we have been discussing penis sizes and men have been in their bedrooms trying to differentiate whether they are a grower or a shower yet none of us have been sizing up our punani’s. So get your rulers out ladies, its measuring time.

According to a lot of scientific studies the distance between the clitorous and urinary tract has a huge impact on your abilities to cum during sex and the magic number is 2.5cm. Any further away than 3cm and the necessary friction to make a woman orgasm will be virtually impossible, which is why positions are a massive factor. Positions that have proven they have a high success rate are missionary and cowgirl as these positions allow for clitoral stimulation aswell as getting that D. The angle in which the penis enters the vagina can also make a big difference with the ideal penis penetration being between 30 to 45 degrees, so really its all just maths. Now if you have a spare protractor lying around, you can test out this theory and get back to me but it might be a bit of a mood killer
.
In school I absolutely hated maths and I would sass teachers with questions like ‘when will I ever need to use algebra?’ and 'who the hell is Pythagorus and why does he have a triangle fetish'. Well well well gals, acute angles may come in handy when you are trying to get jiggy with a-cute guy so get revising. 

*Starts playing MJ- You are not alone*

If like me you haven't managed to hit the jackpot with your fella, hold off on the minge transplant because there might be hope for us yet. I would definitely recommend scheduling a pill check with your nurse to look into your testosterone levels and whether your pill is right for your body. I’ve now been off the pill a week and a half and it has definitely made a difference with regards to my wellbeing physically and mentally. So gals if you are having issues with your flower, think about coming off the pill and exploring non-hormone based options because the difference is cray!



Outfit
T-shirt- The Sisterhood
Blazer- Zara
Trousers- Zara
Shoes- Converse

The Return of Leopard Print






Leopard print is back with a vengeance and I am living for it. 

2018 really has been a rollercoaster for Brits with the heatwave, the World Cup almost coming home (ouch) and now all of us are walking round looking like Cat Slater. What a time to be alive.

Now as much as I’ve always loved leopard print, there is a very fine line between it looking banging or just pure cheap and trashy. In a bid to not look like a trendy hooker, I’ve always stuck to feline accessories rather than statement pieces like belts and bags. However now is the time for change.





I’ve been on a quest to find the purr-fect (lol I hate myself) midi leopard print skirt and I stumbled across Realisation par’s spotty number aka ‘The Naomi’. The right length, a nice spot to background ratio and it worked perfectly with a white t-shirt. I soon fell out of love with when I found it was $180 (£137) plus shipping- my heart said yes but my Nationwide flex account was not having it. However there is good news people, Depop has some snazzy dupes starting from £15 so I’ve bagged myself one of these bad boys and it’s spot on.

Obviously the quality is not as good but the overall design is pretty much identical, the one I’ve bought has an elasticated waist which I thought was because it had been made on the cheap but it turns out the Naomi one has the same. Which is a bit stingy, you’d hope for that much that would at least throw in some buttons or a sturdy zip. However if you are a serial snacker like me, that elasticated waist does wonders after a three course meal- there is room for bloating people. Order big, it's a go hard or go home opportunity. So if you want some leopard goodness in your life without breaking the bank then I would heavily suggest getting up in Depop’s grill. 

(Just incase you have never used Depop / never heard of it- it’s an app thats really easy to use where you can buy and sell your old clothes etc. In simpler terms, its basically millennial eBay) 





On my travels I also come across a dress from Zara, its advertised as midi but because I’m a short arse its more of a maxi situation. I’m not really a dress sort of person so I was sceptical but after playing around with some boxy t-shirts and jumpers, I discovered it works well as a dress or as a skirt when you layer up. It is £40 which is a bit steep for a dress but I would fully recommend because the print is orgasmic. 

If you are more an accessory kind of gal, Topshop have got some great pieces at the minute. I’ve gone a bit crazy cat lady in the last few weeks and bagged a headscarf, belt, bag and some sandals. I’ll pop all the links below for you so you can have a goosey gander. My go to outfit at the moment is a white vest, black wide leg jeans, trainers and then a fuck ton of leopard print accessories to jazz it up a bit. 







If you also have the overwhelming urge to dress like the fifth member of the cheetah girls , I’ve put some links below to my leopard/cheetah print must haves. 

Outfit
T-shirt- Topshop
Bag- Topshop
Skirt- Dupe from Depop
Shoes- Adidas

Links
Zara
https://www.zara.com/uk/en/animal-print-dress-p04479242.html?v1=6509565&v2=1074540

Realisation Par
https://realisationpar.com/the-naomi-wild-things/

Topshop
http://www.topshop.com/en/tsuk/product/leopard-print-scarf-7943065?Ntt=leopard%20print
http://www.topshop.com/en/tsuk/product/leopard-print-teddy-faux-fur-shoulder-bag-7918353
http://www.topshop.com/en/tsuk/product/leopard-print-belt-7768474
http://www.topshop.com/en/tsuk/product/kenya-leopard-print-shoulder-bag-7965765?Ntt=leopard%20print%20bag

Urban Outfitters
https://www.urbanoutfitters.com/en-gb/shop/wild-thing-t-shirt?category=womens-graphic-tshirts&color=010

https://www.urbanoutfitters.com/en-gb/shop/uo-leopard-print-long-sleeve-funnel-neck-top?category=SEARCHRESULTS&color=001

Top Tips for Paris





Top Tips for Paris

Warning: Approach this blog post with caution as I am in no way a Parisian expert and I am in many ways a female version of Karl Pilkington. However I have now been to Paris three times which surely makes me at least semi pro, so here are some little tips I’ve picked up along the way.

Pancake/ Crêpe
Everyone man and his dog loves a good crepe and you will find them virtually everywhere in Paris however the prices can be ridic so make sure you shop around. In some of the more touristy spots or in cafes especially if you want to sit down and have a coffee and a crepe, you can be paying up to 20 euros for a sugary pancake. Therefore make sure you don’t just go for the first place you see, even the stands near the Eiffel tower sell crepes for as little as 3 euros. For my old faithful sugar and lemon, the most I paid was €3.50 so be stingy with your crepe coins. Here’s a phrase that I used A LOT.

Puis-je avoir une crêpe avec du citron et du sucre s'il vous plait ‘

(Side note: Is it just me or when you learn languages at school, you are taught the most useless phrases that would not be used in the majority of social situations. Despite having an A in French, the only thing I could confidently tell a French person is that I like to go to the swimming pool.  So I will try and whack some useful phrases in here. )





Drinks/Boisson
There is so much walking in Paris which means keeping hydrated is key but water can be 3 or 4 euros and more exotic drinks can be even more. So in the airport (UK) I bought a bottle of water and a bottle of coke from WH Smith, then when we got to the apartment I refilled the water and popped it in the fridge. I then bought a big bottle of coke from the supermarket for 2 euros and used to this to keep topping up the coke. Each morning I would pack my beverages in my bag and this would keep me going for the day and made me feel less guilty about buying a big fat tea when I was out and about. Free H20 is definitely the way to go as it meant having more money in the pot for fancy French food.

Supermarkets/Supermache
-Franprix
-Monoprix
-Vival

Franprix’s in particulars are everywhere, the shops do shut quite early in France so the majority of the super markets are closed by 8pm however we did find one Franprix open till 10pm. If you don’t want to eat out every night or you want to get some bits for a picnic, the baguettes are a dream and who doesn’t love a bit of cheddar. Also thoroughly recommend looking out for some Pesto crisps, only a few of the shops had them but bloody hell- they were a dream.





Underground Hell/Metro

A single ticket on the Metro is 1.90 and can get you most places but rather than binning, I kept them all in my purse. Throughout our trip, we kept reusing some of the tickets, sometimes they wouldn’t work and we would have to buy another ticket but the majority of the time- we used the same tickets multiple times. A freebie goes a long way. (Especially when the Metro stinks of piss and
every now and again an impatient commuter tries to push you on the track).

Now I have the worst direction ever and it did take me over three hours to successfully locate our apartment however I found the Metro quite straight forward. The general layout is similar to how the London underground works but rather than having ‘The Central line’ or the ‘Victoria line’ the metro is sorted into letters and numbers. So if you put in your destination on google maps and select the train option, it will tell you to follow the M5 on the Metro and get off at blah blah or follow the M2 and stay on for two stops etc.





Carry some spare change
 Even a wee isn’t free in Paris, yeah you heard right guys and gals.
-Shopping centres
-Restaurants and cafes
-Train stations
-McDonalds (That one shocked me to my core)
When your best friend has a chihuahua's bladder, you become very familiar with restrooms in general but every place other than the airport and our apartment, charged for a waz. Don’t get me wrong, it would never be more than an euro but if you haven’t got any change on you, you could end up wetting your knickers. Which is not ideal if you are trying to find yourself a hot French guy.

Bag Essentials
  • Plasters (There is a lot of walking involved and blisters will occur)
  • Comfy Shoes (If you would rather not have the above and you enjoy sensible footwear thats probably the best way to go)
  • Carrier bags (Because I kept forgetting how to ask for one in French)
  • Definitely a bottle of water, got to get dat Aqua.
  • Dollar (But I would advise not taking out all of your money every day, as there is a lot of pick pocketing in Paris and plus it helps you budget).
  • Selfie stick is always helpful for the sights, especially the Eiffel Tower and Arc de Triomphe.
  • Pain au chocolat (Nice little snack for when you are mooching and a pack of 8 costs under 2 euros from the supermarket but in boulangeries they can be pricey)
In terms of actual bags, rucksacks are the most useful but you have to be extra careful because there is a lot of pick pocketing in busy side streets and tourist areas. My friend has a rucksack and I had a bum bag for the majority of the trip, you can’t get a lot in a bumbag but it is probably the safest way to carry your money and phone around Paris. Mine was a little black leather one from Topshop and it was a god send. 

Summary
Other than the crazy motorists that make me thankful for The Highway Code and the insane prices when it comes to beverages and needing the loo- it’s one of the best cities you will go to. The food is on another level and the bread is the shit. It is a crime if you go there and don’t feast on some bad ass bread and cheese. The guys and gals there look like coffee drinking gods, it’s like a city of Dua Lipa’s so there’s definitely a lot to look at. The city is so beautiful and vibrant and I will definitely be going back a fourth time. Au revoir biatches.





Outfit Details
Beret- Market in Montemarte
T-Shirt- Never Fully Dressed
Jeans- Topshop
Shoes- Pull and Bear

Egg Break






This post was originally mean’t to be within the ‘Night in Notting Hill post’ but I could not fit my eggthusiastic speech about this place into the same post. Apologies for posting this so much later than the previous post, I’ve had a lot on at work which has left me egghausted. Just a little pre-warning; if you dislike puns and have an egg allergy then this might not be the post for you.

So it’s a nice rainy/miserable Sunday morning in Notting Hill and I’m attempting to get candid pictures of the pretty houses before contracting hypothermia, when we stumbled upon Egg Break. Every time I write that word all I can picture is David Schwimmer shrieking the words ‘We were on a BREAK!’ If you don’t get the Friends reference, I pity you and question your life choices. So buckle up hens and prepare yourself for awful puns served alongside my god awful yolks (jokes). Lol, I'm so embarrassing.


Anyways back on topic, if you are looking for a ruddy eggcellent time then this is the breakfast/brunch destination for you. Cutest little cafe/ restaurant with smiley staff, eggs in the bucket loads and the sweet smell of halloumi wafting from the kitchen. WHAT MORE COULD YOU WANT PEOPLE? After browsing the menu and mopping up my dribble, I settled for the veggie option of ‘Halloumi, avocado, heritage tomato, spinach and poached eggs’. So in other words- sex on a plate. (Pictured below)



Saying my dish was eggquisite would be the understatement of 2018- it was bloody glorious. I also ordered some toast and homemade jam with a fat mug of English breakfast tea which was particularly spiffing. As I nurtured my food baby and got some cute snaps on the décor- I realised something fabulous. I was dressed like an egg.  Now when Georgia Nicholson dressed like an Olive, it didn’t work out so well for her. (Little shout out to Angus, Thongs and Perfect Snogging for being a great film). However as I was polishing off my cuppa, I realised I was wearing a white jumper and a yolk coloured beret which of course meant one thing- some jazzy snaps for the blog.



Eating eggs whilst dressed like one is rather fun so I would fully recommend the white V neck from my one true love Topshop and yellow beret from Peek a Boo (They have a little concession stand in Topshop’s Oxford Circus store). Being my personal photographer and trying to capture boujee content with my ugly mug can realty work up your appetite so the boyf settled for the Egg’s Benny. (Pictured below) Toasted English muffin,poached eggs and hollandaise sauce. I helped myself to some and it was cracking.



Now back in 2009, Taio Cruiz claimed he could break our hearts but there is a force much stronger than Mr Cruiz my friends. The only heartbreak in my life currently, is that I live over an hour away from Egg break and we all know how difficult long distance can be. I will be igniting the love affair very soon for my birthday brekkie next month- true love does last a lifetime.

If you are in Notting Hill and fancy yourself a little eggstravaganza, then I would definitely recommend swinging by and getting some grub. I’m personally not a coffee drinker but apparently the coffee there is to die for, the majority of the people in there were queueing just for the hot bevvies.



Just popped some of the dishes from the menu below so you can have a goosey gander.
·         Mcmuffin, sausage patty, American cheese, fried egg and hot sauce
·         Mexican Omelette with avocado, chilli, spring onion, queso fresco and coriander
·         Sweet potato rosti with goats cheese ,honey, kale, pinenuts, dill yoghurt and poached egg
·         Shakshuka with roasted peppers, spice mix, tomato and eggs
·         Two eggs (any style) on Sourdough, wholewheat or rye
·         Turkish eggs, dill yoghurt, chilli and a cheese toastie
·         Levantine eggs on toasted wholewheat with queso fresco, fried eggs, z’atar and chick pea tabbouleh
·         Crab cake with poached eggs, ariracha, hollandaise and spinach
There is also some saucy treats for the non-egg lovers
·         House granola made with super seeds and buts with yoghurt, acai and wild honey
·         Crossiant choc/pear/raisin
·         Bacon cheeseburger with lettuce tomato, burger sauce, pickles and fries
·         Charred pink grapefruit with lemon yoghurt and pistachio honey
·         Coconut chia pot with coconut flakes, nut milk, pomegranate and dates
·         Pancake stack with bacon crumble, berries and maple caramel sauce

So out of interest, how do you like your eggs in the morning? Because I like mine relatively cheap and nearly all the dishes were under £10- winner winner chicken dinner people.



A Night in Notting Hill



I am currently sat on the train back from London, sitting opposite a man who is thoroughly enjoying his M&S baguette while I sit and regret not filling my handbag with snacks for the journey home. Despite feeling half dead from trekking around London in torrential rain and lugging heavy shopping bags (oops) I am going to attempt to use this hour productively and compose this blog post
.

Before this weekend, the closest I had been to Notting Hill was watching Made in Chelsea and seeing the odd few townhouses. So if like me you are blogger, or a photographer or just love a good Insta worthy pic then this is definitely the destination for you.

*Update: I did not use the hour productively, after finishing the second paragraph I fell asleep. Despite being almost 21 years old and I cannot complete a train/plain/car journey without falling asleep*

So here I am, bright eyed and bushy tailed and ready to continue my ramble. I arrived in Euston on Saturday morning and jumped on the tube to Notting Hill, where I dropped my bags at The Laslett. The moment I walked in, I had to pat myself on the back for picking the most adorable hotel. Black and white tiled floors, a cute library filled with jazzy books and old records and the English breakfast was on point. (They even brought it up to your room with warm milk and a shortbread biscuit). Bloody warm milk and shortbread delivered to my room, literally felt like Kate Middleton.



I then set out to do what I do best- buy things I don’t need. The tube was a million and one degrees despite it snowing outside and so I decided to jump off at Oxford Circus rather than carry on to Shoreditch which is the other side of London. Of course the first shop I enter is my one true love, the mothership, the biggie- Topshop. However it does not matter how many times I come to this store, I still struggle to find bits I really like- THERE IS JUST TOO MUCH.  After making my way through the accessories and bags, I get to the clothes and just don’t know where to start.

Then you are suddenly stumbling through a hairdressers, tattoo parlour and then a cupcake stall- it’s all very disorientating to a small town girl. (If Don’t stop believing by the Journey didn’t just pop into your head then we can’t be friends). Anyways this trip was rather successful, I ended up bagging two berets, red pom pom earrings, stripey boots, high waisted camo trousers and of course some big gold hoops. A girl can never have enough.



Shopping really takes it out of me (I’m getting old) so after the Topshop marathon I was starving. Italian will always be my number one so we looked for an Italian close by and stumbled upon Vapiano. If you turn out of Topshop and do a left, it’s the first left down a little side street so its about a 2 walk minute from where Zara is. I love how my inner compass works off where my favourite stores are.

Now as we stood outside and deliberated whether to give it a try, we read some of the Tripadvisor reviews that claimed ‘It was the best pasta they ever had’. Mate. It bloody well was. As you walk in you get given a food card, you then walk towards a chef and choose which kind of pasta you would like. PENNE ALL THE WAY. They then chuck the homemade pasta in a pan and then whatever you request off the menu, they make from scratch in front of you. It’s kind of like a posh Italian Subway as you can add in ingredients and different veg along the way. All in all my dish was ready in about 2 and half minutes- probably even less than that. They then swipe your food card with what you ordered. I can’t have Italian and not have garlic bread so you can go up and order one and they give you a buzzer for when its ready. Most restaurants you wait a good 20 minutes for your main, yet I got my pasta sensation in less time than it would take to order cheese melts in a Mcdonalds drive thru. Madness.

 In terms of the Trip Advisor review, I have to agree- it was the best tasting pasta I’ve had in a long long time, possibly ever. If you are in Oxford Circus ladies and gents- I highly recommend the veggie bolognese. (I noticed they had quite a few vegan and gluten free options aswell so get yourself down there peeps). After whacking the remainder of my pasta in a takeaway tub because that shit was too good to leave- you hand in your food card and pay. (Make sure you don’t lose this card while you are eating because you have to hand back the card before you leave the restaurant). Me and my boyf put both our food orders on the same card so I ditched mine at the table and the waitress refused to let me leave so I had to go back into the restaurant and fish around the plantpots for my food card. After she had checked there was no outstanding food bill on my card and my innocence was restored, we left still feeling like criminals.  What a steal!. Two pasta courses made from scratch, an extra cheesey garlic bread and two bottled cokes (in London) all for £25.



After stuffing myself and practically becoming walking ravioli- we then set off to Covent Garden for the evening. Not only it is extremely picturesque and cute to walk round at night but it’s also full of street performers. Therefore the latter of the evening was spent watching magicians, comedians and singers battle it out on the cobbles for some dollar. There’s also a cute little café/bar called ‘The Grind’ where we went for some snacks before going back to the hotel. Homemade fish fingers, sweet potato wedges and some hummus later- I was more than content.

It was then a quick tube journey back to The Laslett, where I ordered a cuppa to come up to my room before getting some shuteye. Which was glorioussssss. Pretty sure it was two king beds pushed together, it was a giant goose feather bananza of goodness. I was like a pig in shit.



After having one of the best brunches of my life (I’ll save that gem for another time) and taking lots of pictures of pastel coloured houses in Notting Hill. The plan was to have a mooch around London and getting some sass attack blogging pictures however the British weather had other plans. I’m not photogenic as it is so the drowned rat look is not something I can pull off. So instead we decided to whack out the umbrella and have a look round Portobello market. (Which to my dismay is shut on Sundays).However Portobello road was still up and running, full of little boutiques and market stalls including a stall selling sweet potato fries- genius. Not only that, you can purchase a Union Jack hat and red bus keyring on every corner, what more could you people want?

It continued pissing it down/snowing so we tried to grab a hot choc and make our way home. All in all, I absolutely loved Notting Hill and I am going to pop back there as soon as possible. If any of you are thinking of having a goosey gander around Notting Hill, feel free to ask me about its sweet spots. But for now, I’m going to get some shut eye and hope I wake up in a pastel coloured London townhouse.

P.s. Oops I almost forgot, if you do go to The Grind make sure to order ‘The Red Juice’ (banana, beetroot,berry and apple) smoothie. Tastes like liquid heaven.



Finding The Perfect Pair of Jeans




Now I may be speaking alone here but if any of you reading this also have a hoarder draw of denim then you will understand this.

I love doing clear outs, I find it therapeutic and I am an organisation addict. However every time I open my jean draw, I can never will myself to throw them away. Every time I’m about to put a pair into the Depop pile, I panic because what if next week I go out for cocktails with the girls and this pair is the only pair that will look good with my new top. THE HORROR.

The reality is however, that this particular pair of skinny jeans has not left the draw for over a year so they need to go. As jeans are not normally the cheapest purchase, I cling on to them like I’m Gollum’s second cousin. Even if I haven’t worn them in years, they have faded to grey and I don’t even particularly like them- they suddenly become ‘my precious’.


So, getting back to the point- I was on the search for my perfect pair of jeans. Now I work in Topshop so this may seem bias but for me Topshop jeans have everything I’m looking for. Having extremely long legs and a distinct lack of waist and hips can prove extremely difficult when looking for jeans. (Don’t even get me started on Zara jeans, I am yet to find a pair that fit). If I do find any cheaper alternatives with Topshop’s huge variety of sizes on my travels, I’ll update you all.

I’m not sure what other people have experienced but I have always been able to find the perfect fit with Topshop jeans because they are not sized in the generic 6,8,10 but instead in waist size and leg length. (Like men’s jeans). For me Waist 26 and Leg 30 works a treat. I have crazily long legs for a short person so I’m actually leg 32 but I prefer to have a bit of ankle mid drift out. If like me you like to be a tease and have a flash of ankle, I either buy jeans that are a leg length shorter or look for the jeans that have ‘ankle grazer’ written on the label.

Finding the style of jean however is a whole new ball game but luckily because Topshop brand the style by male names- it makes it a little easier to remember your style preference. My all time favourites at the moment are ‘Crop’ and ‘Dree’. (Orson is pretty funky as well though). Over the years I have tried the odd Lucas, Sidney and Hayden but at the moment I’m obsessed with the denim culotte look- tight on the bum but wide on the leg. This style also works perfectly paired with a chunky boot which is one of the many reasons they have become my everyday jeans and my skinnys have been neglected and sent to the dusty denim draw.


Now if I was writing this a year ago, gosh would it look different. I have lived in skinny jeans since the dawn of time but I have always been slightly unhappy with the way they look and I couldn’t figure out why. Now every nineties/noughties girl has gone through the Joni stage, I have, my peers have and I think even my mum has some. If you heard wind of a disco coming up or better yet a house party, the first thing you purchased were black high waisted Joni jeans, come on tell me I’m wrong. They were the shit! (Until you washed them and they turned grey).

Despite buying them in the truck loads, I would see myself in pictures afterwards and it made me feel awful about myself. I would like so unbelievably thin and gaunt looking and despite being just over 5ft, it looked like I had 7ft legs. People at school would make comments about me looking anorexic and it made me crave a curvier look, which is pretty difficult when you have the hip structure of a 12 year old boy.




Despite skinny jeans taking a back seat in my life, I must say that once you go Jamie, you won’t go Joni. For my petite frame, Jamie jeans are the best skinny jeans that Topshop offer although. Jamie’s look more like your everyday jean, they compliment the booty and for non-curvy girls like me- they give the illusion of womanly hips. It’s a win, win. If you are going out and want a ‘jeans and a nice top’ vibe then Jamie’s are my go to, sorry Joni’s you’re fired. As well as making me look like slenderman, Joni jeans are also famous for fading in the wash so here are some tips and tricks on how to keep your black Topshop jeans black.

50 Shades of “I don’t want grey jeans” Tips
-Wash them bad boys inside out
-Tumble dry makes them tumble die.
-Mans too hot- wash them on 30 degrees.
-Fabric conditioner is a no go my friend.
-Wash them every 7 wears. Even the flares.

Peace out and may your jeans forever may your but look luscious.



P.s If you have any denim disasters then feel free to message me, I'm currently a denim specialist at Topshop (Although I prefer the job title: Jean Queen) so hopefully I can offer some wisdom.

Red Sock Boots- Topshop
White (cosy as fuck) jumper- Urban Outfitters
Black Kitten Heels- Dorothy Perkins
Mid Blue Cropped Wide Leg jeans- Topshop (Of Course)
Postbox- County Council

Eighteen Musts for 2018



As a self-confessed Christmas addict, I never really pay that much attention to New Years. Normally I am too busy mourning all things festive to make new year’s resolutions however this year I am really looking forward to 2018.

For many reasons 2017 was a bit on the crappy side, I struggled a lot with my mental health, listened to my sad songs playlist way too much and just had a negative outlook on life. Normally I dread January because that means returning to my soul sucking admin job, however 2018 has started better already as I have binned off the awful admin job and I am now a denim specialist at Topshop. WHICH I LOVE! Can I get a woop woop?

Therefore this January is very different for me, I feel extremely motivated and I am really keen to work hard (especially on my blog) and have a fabulous year. For me, 2018 is going to be all about throwing myself into my career and learning to love myself a bit more. I’m a strong believer that you cannot even begin to fully love another person and cherish them if you do not fully love yourself. So bettering myself is something I really want to work on.


So here you are guys and gals, my new year’s resolutions/goals for 2018/list of things that will hopefully better my life/ soul makeover.
1.       Get back into the gym. As much as I am happy with my weight, I am very petite so I would love some more curves. Therefore I need to get back to some serious squatting and take my new Nikes for a spin. I’m determined to have a Kim K booty before the year is out.
2.       Drink more water! Its great for you and it gives you sexy skin. Sometimes I’m so busy, it gets to 8pm at night and I realise I haven’t drank any water that day. Less tea, more water is the way forward.
3.       I have always been a bookworm but in the last few years, my life has been too busy for reading. Therefore I want to read at least one book a month. (That really does not sound like a lot but I want to start with a realistic number). So when I come home in the evenings and procrastinate in front of the TV- instead I need to pick up a book.
4.       Anyone that knows me, knows I am very very fussy about my nails. I have my nails done every 2 weeks and I really struggle to be adventurous with the colours. I play it safe with white, light grey and nudes so this year- I need to step up the nail game. Red is next on the agenda.
5.       Try and recycle outfits rather than buying more. Shopping is a major addiction of mine and it will be a hard habit to crack so this year I am only going to buy something if I love it and if I can wear it with a lot of clothes I already own. Time and time again I will see something ‘I like’ and I’ll buy it because ‘it might look nice with this top I have’. Or because there’s only one left and I don’t want to come back another day to find it gone.  My wardrobe is now full of multiple items (with tags still on) that I am not extremely fond of. Why do I do this to my bank account? Urgh.


6.       Make more selfish decisions. Being selfish in little chunks can sometimes be a good thing, this year I want to take a step back and look at my life. What makes me happy and what doesn’t, if something isn’t making me happy I need to remove it from my life. Toxic people are definitely a no go.
7.       To not be afraid of more ‘out there’ statement pieces. Countless times I have been shopping with friends and they have picked something up and said ‘who on earth would wear this?’ and I’ve scoffed and agreed when actually it is something I would wear. I like to be different and buy things with a bit of character. I bought some yellow pom pom earrings from Zara a few weeks and I have been so scared to wear them in case I get ‘judged’. Well not anymore, this year the pom poms are coming out and my ears will look like mini cheerleaders.
8.       I have never been to The Clothes Show so this year will be the year that I finally attend.
9.       Eating more healthy. Now I love healthy food and I am one of those weirdos that loves vegetables  however healthy food always seems to be more expensive and more effort. Therefore  I need to be more proactive about making healthy meals rather than grabbing a ready meal. Seriously though, a bag of kale is like 1.50 but I can get a giant snack bag of chocolate animals for 50p- what is that all about? If any of you reading this, regularly cook healthy lunches and dinners on a budget, please give me some recipe ideas. Help a lazy cook out.
10.   Carrying on with the food theme and as its veganuary, this year I am going to stop eating meat. As a major milk and cheese lover, jumping straight into veganism will be a major shock to the system so this year I am going to attempt to go veggie. Don’t get me wrong, I love a good bit of bacon or steak and peppercorn sauce but there are alternatives so vegetarianism here I come. Again if there is any non-meat eaters out there that know of any snazzy alternatives or just some funky veggie dinners then please let me know.


11.   Start a journal/diary where I keep track of everything I’ve been doing and want to do. Iphone calendars are handy but I do like having an old fashioned paper list.
12.   To reach at least 500 followers on Instagram and hopefully have some more people reading my blog. I know it’s not all about numbers and if my blog makes one person’s day then I have done what I came to do. However I have been inspired by so many blogs and reading something relatable can make you feel less alone. Therefore in 2018 I hope to do many more blog posts relating to mental health, grief, feminism and many other issues that need a bigger voice.
13.   Now this is a biggie and apologies if this offends anyone but I have never eaten an avocado. Countless times I have popped to the shop and bought one, left it to ripen in the fruit bowl and then completely forgot about it so it went off. Therefore this January I am determined to purchase and demolish an avocado- I need to know what about the fuss is about.
14.   Put aside at least 1 hour a week where I have a little pamper session.
-Face Mask
-Dead skin removal (Got to keep those trotters looking pretty)
-Full body moisturise
-Hair mask/leave in conditioner
-Cucumber on the eyes
The whole shebang people!




15.   As a newbie to the blogging community, I would love for the opportunity to meet with some bloggers and exchange tips over a large mug of caffeine.
16.   Another thing on the bucket list for 2018 is to attend a blogging event. Over the years, I have seen so many fab soirees and I would love to be a part of some of them.
17.   Wear brighter colours! Monochrome is my one true love so this will be a difficult one. Even blue jeans have taken a back seat so this year I need to brighten up the wardrobe. I’ve already got the ball rolling with the pink fishnets I ordered yesterday. Eeeeeeeeek.
18.   Now this is the big one. The creme dela crème. The big finish. 2018 is the year I will stop dwelling on the past and leave negative people in 2017. This year is all about personal development and having a whale of a time. Life is too short for shitty friends, badly made cups of tea and Insta stalking your old flame. So happy new year my lovelies- may your 2018 be bloody brilliant.

I’m now off to do a massive wardrobe clear out, drink some H2o and purchase some avocados.