Get your tits out

Right ladies and gents, stick the kettle on because shit is about to get deep.

In the last few months two of my best friends mums have had encounters with breast cancer. Luckily it was caught early and neither of them needed chemo. My mum's best friend on the other hand hasn't't been as fortunate, her cancer has spread from her breast into her lymph nodes which mean she needs to start chemo straight away and potentially lose a boob in the process.

Cancer at any age is the word everyone dreads to here but considering all three of these women were under the age of 55, it highlights how important it is for all of us to been on the lookout for it regardless of how old we are. All of us think and hope it won't happen to us but the reality is, now 1 in 2 of us will experience cancer at some point in our lifetime and breast cancer is currently the most common cancer in the UK, with one person being diagnosed every 10 minutes.

According to Breast Cancer Care UK '1 in 8 women in the UK will develop breast cancer in their lifetime' so something just needs to give and this where we come in guys and gals. Get groping. Disclaimer: This is not me encouraging in anyway to grope strangers in the street, girls get enough of that in sleazy nightclubs. However there is no reason we shouldn't being feeling ourselves up on a regular basis.

-When you are getting dressed in the morning
-When you get in the shower
-When you are getting ready for bed

It does not matter when or how just make sure its somewhere in your regular routine, if you're forgetful then set a weekly reminder on your phone. Might have to be an early morning one, you don't want to be sat at work in a meeting and have your tit check alarm going off. Alternatively I have a free app called P.C which tracks ovaluation, provides pill reminders and even have a self breast exam reminder which you can set a time and date for. 

The trouble is most people don't know what they are looking for, so when you are having a rummage heres what to look for;

-Dimpled skin
-A growing vein
-Sunken nipple
-New shape and size of the breast
-Skin sores
-Nipple crust
-Discharge from the nipple
-Lumps and bumps
-Orange peel skin
-Feeling a thick area
-Discomfort and pain
-Red or hotness

Know Your Lemons provides a really useful visual aid for what you are looking, as pictured below. Get to know your lemons ladies (or melons if you are more endowed). 

If you want a second opinion on checking everything is hunky dory, a fresh pair eyes/hands may spot something you have missed. So if you are in a relationship and not full on Bridget Jonesing like I am, get your fella to have a nosey. I used to ask my ex to cop a feel and check everything is ok and I tell you now they might not jump at the chance to help you choose an outfit or pick up the hoover but they are more than willing to give your girls a grope. Then if you find anything out of the ordinary, get your pretty little ass to the doctors, its always better to be safe than sorry.

Side note: Men are famous for being awful at going to the doctors and getting themselves checked over so make sure all the men I your life are checking their bits and bobs regularly or offer to lend a hand. Although it is rare, men can also develop breast cancer so that is something to bear in mind lads.

And yes this is a penis anatomy constructed by lemons and a potato peeler, you're welcome x

Now I know going to the doctors isn't the most fun to thing to do and you feel like a time wasting donut when there is nothing wrong but its so important to go because if something is wrong, it can be diagnosed early and treated. I don't relish in the thought of whacking my baps out to a stranger but honestly they've seen it all before. The poor NHS has to deal with people sticking barbies up their arse so your mammary glands are not going to phase them. When you make a Drs appointment, you can also request a female doctor if that would make you feel more comfortable however it normally means you will be waiting a bit longer for an appointment.

When I was sixteen I found a lump chilling in my side boob and Google confirmed my fears that I had like 3 days to live. It was only a tiny lump sort of between my boob and armpit but it was quite painful to touch but with all the tissue, fat and milk ducts going in there I wasn't sure if was something more sinister. So of course I went straight to my mum (Shoutout to Karen) and asked her to have a feel because its really difficult to differentiate between what should be there and what shouldn't. Kazza confirmed she thought it was a lump and after a trip to the doctors, I was told it was probably a small cyst and tablets should get rid of it. If it didn't subside, they would have to investigate further to see if it was a cancerous mass which luckily it wasn't.

If you aren't sure you know exactly what you are looking for or how to look- there are some many useful resources on social media. I follow a girl called Lauren on Instagram who is a breast cancer survivor, some of you may now her as GirlVsCancer, GirlstoleLondon or the chick that was on First Dates. As part of breast cancer awareness month she did a collaboration with NeverFullyDressed, theres a video on their Instagram of Lauren demonstrating how to check your boobs so make sure you watch it if you are unsure. 

GirlVsCancer - 'You aren't looking for Cancer, you are looking for changes' 

As the Black Eyed Peas outlined we have 'lovely lady lumps' so we really need to be taking better care of them. Treat them to a nice lace Bralette from time to time and give them a thorough once over. I'll put the links to some useful sites below that provide more information and insight on breast cancer. It's estimated that 5000 will be diagnosed with breast in the UK during this particular breast cancer awareness month, so if you've read this and have any niggles at all then please pick up the blower and make an appointment. Check your tits, don't act like one.

Hope you enjoyed this weird ass photoshoot I had with some lemons xo

The Big O

There is a lot of mystery and taboo around the female orgasm and I am one of many that is yet to experience it with a partner. So the question is, is my fanny broken?

After speaking in depth to many of my friends, it turns out a lot of them have only experienced it with one of their partners and they are only able to climax through oral sex. I’m quite impatient when it comes to foreplay so this might be where I’m going wrong because I’m always rushing to get to penetration station. (Soz mum if you are reading this)

In a survey with Cosmos it showed that 67% of women aged 18-40 fake orgasms with their partner, now I have definitely put my GCSE in drama to good use a few times but at the ripe old age of 21, I feel that I deserve a good dicking without all the theatricals. I’ve been advised by one of my bisexual friends to go lesbo a few times to help with my pre-dick-ament but I don’t relish in the thought of getting busy with someone else’s flaps. 

After doing a bit of research, I found that around 70% of women can’y physically orgasm just from intercourse which is crazy when it takes a guy like two minutes to jizz his pants. (Sorry fellas) Which means flicking the bean is practically a necessity for women to have a right good time but what if clit simulation and owning half of Ann Summers still isn’t getting the job done?

Well lads welcome to my world. So after a good few years of thinking my vj was faulty as well as changing my pill twelve times- I wanted answers. Surprise surprise, the pill can have a huge impact on women achieving orgasm due to the lack of testosterone in your system. As we all know, the contraceptive pill pumps you with a million hormones to stop you getting up the duff however these hormones can sometimes suppress the natural testosterone in your body which is needed for women to climax. I’ve been on the pill since I was 16 and I’ve lost count of the amount of side affects I’ve endured but this one really takes the biscuit. This is one of the many reasons I’ve recently come off the pill, I mean it is useful to be able to control your periods but I think my body needed a serious break to just be free and do its own thang. 

After acquiring some questionable internet history, I stumbled upon some research with regards to female anatomy that explain why some women are way less likely to orgasm, especially during penetrative sex. Since the dawn of time we have been discussing penis sizes and men have been in their bedrooms trying to differentiate whether they are a grower or a shower yet none of us have been sizing up our punani’s. So get your rulers out ladies, its measuring time.

According to a lot of scientific studies the distance between the clitorous and urinary tract has a huge impact on your abilities to cum during sex and the magic number is 2.5cm. Any further away than 3cm and the necessary friction to make a woman orgasm will be virtually impossible, which is why positions are a massive factor. Positions that have proven they have a high success rate are missionary and cowgirl as these positions allow for clitoral stimulation aswell as getting that D. The angle in which the penis enters the vagina can also make a big difference with the ideal penis penetration being between 30 to 45 degrees, so really its all just maths. Now if you have a spare protractor lying around, you can test out this theory and get back to me but it might be a bit of a mood killer
In school I absolutely hated maths and I would sass teachers with questions like ‘when will I ever need to use algebra?’ and 'who the hell is Pythagorus and why does he have a triangle fetish'. Well well well gals, acute angles may come in handy when you are trying to get jiggy with a-cute guy so get revising. 

*Starts playing MJ- You are not alone*

If like me you haven't managed to hit the jackpot with your fella, hold off on the minge transplant because there might be hope for us yet. I would definitely recommend scheduling a pill check with your nurse to look into your testosterone levels and whether your pill is right for your body. I’ve now been off the pill a week and a half and it has definitely made a difference with regards to my wellbeing physically and mentally. So gals if you are having issues with your flower, think about coming off the pill and exploring non-hormone based options because the difference is cray!

T-shirt- The Sisterhood
Blazer- Zara
Trousers- Zara
Shoes- Converse