The Big O

There is a lot of mystery and taboo around the female orgasm and I am one of many that is yet to experience it with a partner. So the question is, is my fanny broken?

After speaking in depth to many of my friends, it turns out a lot of them have only experienced it with one of their partners and they are only able to climax through oral sex. I’m quite impatient when it comes to foreplay so this might be where I’m going wrong because I’m always rushing to get to penetration station. (Soz mum if you are reading this)

In a survey with Cosmos it showed that 67% of women aged 18-40 fake orgasms with their partner, now I have definitely put my GCSE in drama to good use a few times but at the ripe old age of 21, I feel that I deserve a good dicking without all the theatricals. I’ve been advised by one of my bisexual friends to go lesbo a few times to help with my pre-dick-ament but I don’t relish in the thought of getting busy with someone else’s flaps. 

After doing a bit of research, I found that around 70% of women can’y physically orgasm just from intercourse which is crazy when it takes a guy like two minutes to jizz his pants. (Sorry fellas) Which means flicking the bean is practically a necessity for women to have a right good time but what if clit simulation and owning half of Ann Summers still isn’t getting the job done?

Well lads welcome to my world. So after a good few years of thinking my vj was faulty as well as changing my pill twelve times- I wanted answers. Surprise surprise, the pill can have a huge impact on women achieving orgasm due to the lack of testosterone in your system. As we all know, the contraceptive pill pumps you with a million hormones to stop you getting up the duff however these hormones can sometimes suppress the natural testosterone in your body which is needed for women to climax. I’ve been on the pill since I was 16 and I’ve lost count of the amount of side affects I’ve endured but this one really takes the biscuit. This is one of the many reasons I’ve recently come off the pill, I mean it is useful to be able to control your periods but I think my body needed a serious break to just be free and do its own thang. 

After acquiring some questionable internet history, I stumbled upon some research with regards to female anatomy that explain why some women are way less likely to orgasm, especially during penetrative sex. Since the dawn of time we have been discussing penis sizes and men have been in their bedrooms trying to differentiate whether they are a grower or a shower yet none of us have been sizing up our punani’s. So get your rulers out ladies, its measuring time.

According to a lot of scientific studies the distance between the clitorous and urinary tract has a huge impact on your abilities to cum during sex and the magic number is 2.5cm. Any further away than 3cm and the necessary friction to make a woman orgasm will be virtually impossible, which is why positions are a massive factor. Positions that have proven they have a high success rate are missionary and cowgirl as these positions allow for clitoral stimulation aswell as getting that D. The angle in which the penis enters the vagina can also make a big difference with the ideal penis penetration being between 30 to 45 degrees, so really its all just maths. Now if you have a spare protractor lying around, you can test out this theory and get back to me but it might be a bit of a mood killer
In school I absolutely hated maths and I would sass teachers with questions like ‘when will I ever need to use algebra?’ and 'who the hell is Pythagorus and why does he have a triangle fetish'. Well well well gals, acute angles may come in handy when you are trying to get jiggy with a-cute guy so get revising. 

*Starts playing MJ- You are not alone*

If like me you haven't managed to hit the jackpot with your fella, hold off on the minge transplant because there might be hope for us yet. I would definitely recommend scheduling a pill check with your nurse to look into your testosterone levels and whether your pill is right for your body. I’ve now been off the pill a week and a half and it has definitely made a difference with regards to my wellbeing physically and mentally. So gals if you are having issues with your flower, think about coming off the pill and exploring non-hormone based options because the difference is cray!

T-shirt- The Sisterhood
Blazer- Zara
Trousers- Zara
Shoes- Converse

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